1. Diplomacy
Diplomacy. The art of interacting with people in both a sensitive, and effective manner.
This is probably one of the most challenging hurdles for stepmoms.
Many of us stepmoms have never been in a situation as potentially contentious as step-parenting. I say “potentially” because although the threat of chaos is often lurking around the corner for a stepmom, it can be avoided — with some diplomacy.
It could be as simple as using the words ‘please,’ or, ‘thank you’ in every conversation or it could mean addressing a touchy situation calmly and positively that is non-accusing. It takes practice. Lots of it.
It helps to listen — even when you don’t want to — to get a better gauge of the emotions of the person you are dealing with whether it be a biological parent or your stepchild.
Whether you are more of a full-time stepmom or an every-other-weekend stepmom, learning to be diplomatic is a key tool for your step-parenting journey.
I have learned that, quite often, the less said, the better. The quality of what is said matters more than just talking to be heard. Choosing the right words to use and the right time to say them is important.
Sound exhausting? Yes, it is. Being a stepparent is like having another job besides all your other jobs in life. Diplomacy helps. Sometimes we have lots of information we want people to hear about how we feel but it’s not always necessary or useful.
Learning to be diplomatic, though often cumbersome, will make your blended family life smoother in the long term.
2. Humility
Humility is the ability to realize that you may not be that important even when it seems the world is revolving around you in your mind. Being a stepmom takes courage and determination. Sometimes it seems there is an emotional drama every day.
That said, it can seem like the whole world is on your shoulders at times and the temptation to wallow in self-pity over your specific challenges will be a constant companion.
Learning humility is a key element to becoming a healthy stepmom. It’s not all about you. Yes, you’re tired, yes things may be unfair, but having some perspective as to the bigger picture can boost your morale immensely.
Why is being a stepmom so tiring? Because you are working extraordinarily hard to make your family life work well. It’s okay to laugh at yourself sometimes when you mess up. Even ‘real’ moms mess up sometimes as many of us already know.
Don’t take yourself so seriously. No matter what your relationship with your stepchild, or their biological parents, feeling sorry for yourself won’t help anyone. Learn to laugh at yourself and realize you’re not perfect and never will be.
3. Grace
I have learned there is indeed a path of grace and class in stepmothering.
Acting with grace in certain situations to do what is best for your stepchild is an invaluable tool. To step aside amidst circumstances that you wish you could control is difficult but if you can do it with love and sincerity, it makes a big difference.
There are going to be many times in your step-parenting life when you have to relinquish decisions and control to the biological parents and if you are a super involved stepmom or a full-time stepmom who is used to being more involved, this can be a tricky maneuver.
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